Why are teachers so cruel?

I'm stuck in psychology at school, because there aren't any other subjects I can go into.

I recently missed an important SAC because I had to have a meeting with a group of counsellors and therapists about being on suicide watch.

My psych teacher has been really rude to me since and is always really harsh towards me when I talk to her.

Oh, I'm sorry that I wanted to die Mrs Watson, it's so rude of me to not think about my grades when my depression is trying to kill me.
You're absolutely right, it's unacceptable of me to sleek help and stop trying to kill myself.
Because, obviously, GRADES ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY LIFE.

Antisocial family and raging hormones.

I don't bring my boyfriend to my house much, because my family would treat him poorly.

So I go to his house a lot.

His family are kinda antisocial. His two siblings, 16 and 21, have Asperger's syndrome - if you don't know what that is I'll provide a link.

So, knowing that, the only time they leave the house is for school and work.

Nick and I have been...how to put it gently........extremely romantically active...for a while now and he likes to do some...stuff...whenever we can because it's good for my depression.

Well, woopdeedoo, they can hear us through the walls.

I'm not saying Nick and I have crazy, animal sex. We've had sex, but we don't do it often. We mostly do handsy stuff, since that can be quiet.

But they can still hear it.

Today, one of Nicks sisters-friend told me how she complains a lot about how she can hear everything we say and do. I obviously told him we do it to creep her out most of the time.
My sister-in-law, so to speak, and I don't actually get along. We like a few bands, we both do art, we both like the same teachers, we're both depressed, that's all we have in common. I don't like her, because she's a rude human to everyone.

Look, I don't care what she thinks or says. I stopped caring a long time ago.

But she should complain to this friend, who I'm kinda fond of, and tell him things that aren't important to him.

Honestly, she makes me so angry.

Who needs friends when I have coffee?

Half of my so called "best friends" have been really horrible towards me since I started dating my boyfriend, and have been especially horrible since year 12 because I am having a hard time at school.

Who needs them when I have my regular coffee shop?

At least they'll always be there to support me.

Out of the frying pan, and into hell.

School is finally over for the day, which is all well and good.
But do you know what that means?

Time to go back home.

Everyone always says that they'd rather be at home than at school, I would rather neither.
All I want is to go home with my boyfriend every day, to spend time with him and play video games with him, and fall asleep beside him.

But, we can't always get what we want.

This is my final year of school, the last year of my seemingly eternal hell. All I have to do is get a job, finish school, move out and live with him.

Not too hard, right?

Wrong.

No no one in my town ever hires, and when they are they never hire me because I'm not pretty enough, because my hair is short like I boys, cause my boobs are too small, because I dress in black and because I don't dress like a whore.

Ah well, there's naught to be done my darlings. I just have to try harder. ♥

Why do I always feel sick at school?

Since class started, I've felt so sick that I could possibly vomit at any moment.
The fact that my pants are way too tight around my stomach doesn't help, but I don't understand why this happens every day!

Do any of you feel like this too?

School stinks.

I've been at school for exactly 5 minutes and I've already managed to embarrass myself and look like I moron in front of one of my friends - to whom I'm having a hard time with because she's been a pretty shit friend.

Bravo, Angel, good job.

Well, hopefully it won't get any worse. I've run out of medication and need to buy more, so we'll have to wait and see.

Wish me luck, my darlings. I hope you're all doing well with your schooling, it'll get better soon. ♥

It gets so hard sometimes.

It's gets really hard, you know?
It gets really hard to keep on trying and to hold on.

People keep kicking you down and pushing your face into the dirt.

And sometimes, you just want to stay there. You want to lay on the ground and turn into dirt so you never have to get up again.

People tell you to just get up, and that it's not so hard.
But sometimes it feels like there's a thousand tonnes on your back, like you're being weighed down with all your pain and all your hurt.

Right now, I know exactly how that feels. I just want to go to sleep forever, and never have to wake up. I'm not dead, but I won't be alive either.
I'll be motionless, trapped it a state of bliss for all eternity.

But I know, I can't be like this.

I need to try to get back up again, no matter how hard it is, no matter how long it takes, and no matter how many people kick me down again.

Because I know there are people who want me to keep getting up, no, need me to keep getting up.

I'll do it again, and again, and again, for as long as I need to.

You'll find those people one day, it might seem hopeless and hard but you will. You'll find people who need you just as much as I do.

Remember my darling, you just need to soldier on. You're doing such a good job. I believe in you. ♥